Really Creative Writing

OK - so I teach 8th grade language arts. Yes, I know - 'how noble of you.' Anyway, last Friday I put an interesting picture on the overhead after the kids took their vocabulary test. It was a futuristic painting (actually a mural at Epcot) of these gigantic flying saucer-like submarines and a bunch of underwater exploration crap. OK, so it wasn't really that interesting, but it was freakin Friday and I just wanted to leave. So, to get the kids started, I ask them to think about what it would be like to live and work on one of these submarines. Most responses were pretty bland - they just wanted to leave, too - right? One response wasn't. Even though this kid just wanted to leave (possibly after kicking my ass), he made my day. His essay, in its glorious unedited entirety:

If I was in the place I would be the owner. The divers would be camels drinkin apple juice. Me to, and we would build things and listen to music all day. We would all have a mermaid girlfriend. They were freaks. We would have cars that drive under water and on land. Me and my dogs ran everything, spit apples in the face of people who don't show us the respect we needed. We were power rangers. We told people they smelled like hot pee.

Awesome shit like this makes it all worthwhile. My response:

Good Job. Sounds like a blast. Don't forget to use 'too' when you mean 'also.'