Playing Hookie - Hookey - Hooky - I dunno, I'm sick

I rarely miss school - especially for my own illness. Usually a sick child, children, or wife can cause me to turn the reigns over to a substitute, but still not very often. I hate leaving my lovely pupils with somebody else, but especially my classroom. It's like loaning your car to a person who doesn't know how to drive - when you get it back there's likely a scratch or two, unexplained stains in the seat, and the check engine light starts flashing all the time. Fortunately for me, this guy is my sub today:



No lie. Take about 15 years off The Tall Man and you've got a fascinating character I'll call Dr. Checkett. I'll call him that because it is, according to the school board via the FBI, his real name. And title. I have doubts.

Dr. Checkett's arrival could not have come at a better time. We've been talking about scary books and movies all week in preparation to read "The Tell-Tale Heart". I was going to turn out the lights and fire up a few candles and have another teacher bang on the door at the climax, but alas, I've got catbite Ebola or some shit. In my plans I left Dr. Checkett instructions to read the piece aloud himself if he was feeling dramatically inclined. I'm almost certain he will.

Let's take a moment to recognize my lovely custodian, Ms. Sandra. I'm sorry about the feces and urine you're about to discover coating all my desks.